Hooray! I've Burnt Dinner Again!

With Wifey away at Puppy School tonight, I thought I'd whip up something nice for her to come home to - a steak variant of one of my all-time favorite dishes: schnitzel. Honestly, if I had boneless pork chops, I would have tried making traditional schnitzel, but one must do the best one can with the resources available, so beef was the target of my culinary deviancy.

The recipe was pretty simple - beat the meat to desired flatness, dredge in flour, dredge in beaten egg, dredge in bread crumbs, then fry in a skillet with 1/4 cup oil.

Yeah, right... I prepare the meat, do the proper dredging, heat the oil, and "start to set the meat to cookin'! YeeeeeeHaaaaa!" For one shining moment, I am the Dinner God. For one brief moment in time, I feel like all the celebrity cooks I've ever seen on TV. I feel like I'm Bobby Flay, whipping up some obscure Cuban dish with talapia and roasted chili peppers. Or Rachael Ray, fighting back the urge to turn to some non-existent camera and say how easy this meal is to prepare in under 30 minutes. I threw the first "faux schnitel" in the pan, thinking that a couple of minutes on each side should adequately complete the cooking.

As it turned out, I preheated the oil at a much higher temperature than should be used. After a couple of minutes in the oil, one side of my first "faux schnitzel" was damn-near black from charring. I quickly flipped it over, thinking to myself, "if I reduce the cooking time for this side, I should be able to salvage this shipwreck of an entree'". No such luck, the damage was done. The first cut of meat emerged from the skillet looking like something I had intentionally set ablaze in the morning, then left it to burn for most of the day, just to come back, scratching my head, and asking, "I wonder why THAT happened?"

The second and third pieces of meat were, in turn, added to the frying pan. I was rewarded with similar results, despite turning the stove's burner down "a notch". Careful planning and preparation on my part has yielded three charcoal-like hunks of breaded meat the likes of which would more likely be appropriate as spare pucks in a minor-league hockey game. They're hard enough!

Without missing a beat, I started baking some tator tots in the oven. At least we can enjoy an item from the typical school lunch menu! If there's one thing I can do, that's tots!

Radioguy's Original Sweet & Smokey BBQ Sauce

Here's the recipe for my original Sweet & Smokey BBQ Sauce. It's a variation on my Original Ricochet BBQ Sauce.

Ingredients
1 cup ketchup
1 1/4 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1/4 cup lime juice
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
12 ounces tomato paste
12 ounces beer, any brand
1 1/2 cup onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 ounce liquid smoke

Directions
In a 2-quart saucepan or pot, combine the ketchup, brown sugar, lime juice, vegetable oil, Worchestershire sauce, tomato paste, and beer. In a food processor or spice grinder, mix the onion and garlic, then add to the sauce mixture. Heat all ingredients to boiling, add liquid smoke, then reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 1 hour, stirring occasionally.

Radioguy's Original Ricochet BBQ Sauce

Here's the recipe for the first of my wildly successful line of BBQ sauces.

Radioguy's Original Ricochet BBQ Sauce

Ingredients
1 cup ketchup
1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1/4 cup lime juice
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
12 ounces tomato paste
12 ounces beer, any brand
1 1/2 cup onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced

Directions
In a 2-quart saucepan or pot, combine the ketchup, brown sugar, lime juice, vegetable oil, Worchestershire sauce, tomato paste, and beer. In a food processor or spice grinder, mix the onion and garlic, then add to the sauce mixture. Heat all ingredients to boiling, then reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 1 hour, stirring occasionally.

To add extra "heat" to the sauce...
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
hot sauce (to taste)

Radioguy's Sweet & Tangy Ricochet BBQ Sauce

This one doesn't use any ketchup or other tomato-based items. I call it Radioguy's Sweet & Tangy Ricochet BBQ Sauce!

Ingredients
1 packet taco seasoning
1 cup white sugar
1 cup molasses
1 cup vegetable oil
4 tablespoons cider vinegar
4 tablespoons teriyaki sauce
2 tablespoons dry mustard
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon cilantro (optional)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon Old Bay seasoning (optional)
1-2 dashes hot sauce (to taste)

Directions
Combine all ingredients in a small pot. Simmer for 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Pour into releasable bottles and store in the refrigerator until needed.

Radioguy's Sweet & Smokey Ricochet BBQ Sauce

Here's another BBQ sauce for you to enjoy:

Radioguy's Sweet & Smokey Ricochet BBQ Sauce

INGREDIENTS
2 cups ketchup
1 tbls. Worcestershire sauce
1 cup molasses
1/4 cup + 2 tbls. brown sugar
1 tbls. garlic powder
1 tsp. ground black pepper
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
2 tbls. lemon juice
2 tbls. liquid smoke
1/2 tsp. celery seed
1/2 tsp. Old Bay seasoning
1 tbls. steak sauce (optional)
1/4 tsp. dry mustard

DIRECTIONS
Combine all ingredients in a sauce pot. Place sauce pot on stove at medium heat. Bring mixture to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 1 hour, or to desired thickness.

Radioguy's Ricochet Raspberry BBQ Sauce

Just in time for grilling season, here's a new BBQ sauce from Yours-Truly:

Radioguy’s Ricochet Raspberry BBQ Sauce

Ingredients
½ cup raspberry jam
½ sugar
½ cup honey
½ cup Worcestershire sauce
1 cup ketchup
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
20 drops hot pepper sauce
¼ tsp. salt
¼ tsp. black pepper
¼ tsp liquid smoke
1 tbs. vegetable oil

Directions
In a saucepan, combine jam, sugar, honey, Worcester sauce, ketchup, vinegar, hot pepper sauce, salt, pepper and vegetable oil. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer until thickened.

Radioguy's Mustard & Molasses BBQ Sauce

With the weather getting warmer, and the BBQ season approaching, I've begun my yearly ritual of concocting homemade sauces for ribs, steaks, chicken and fish. My first attempt of the year, which occurred Saturday, was to recreate a great sauce of mine for use in an "all-day crock pot country ribs" recipe my wife does brilliantly. The sauce is a mustard and molasses sauce. Here's the recipe:

Radioguy's Mustard & Molasses BBQ Sauce

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground thyme
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon cornstarch
• 1/4 teaspoon ground oregano
• 1 teaspoon salt or salt substitute
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 cup black strap molasses
• 1/2 cup yellow mustard
• 1/2 cup Dijon mustard
• 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar
• 1 cup ketchup
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil

Preparation

Combine dry ingredients in a food processor and mix/grind until the mixture obtains an even consistency (ground pretty fine), then place dry mixture into a medium-sized saucepan. Add the wet ingredients and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally (so as the molasses and sugar don't burn the bottom of the saucepan). Pour into a glass jar (I use an empty 16 oz. beer bottle with a ceramic stopper).

This sauce can be stored in the refrigerator for up to three months. It is also great with chicken, hot dogs, ham, etc.